I am now 23! And I don’t know if I should be happy that I reached this age…

Damn, I’m not getting any younger. I just realized that it has been 23 years since my mother tried to abort me. hehe. Yes. That’s how ruthless she is! But I didn’t allow her to kill me. Those medicines didn’t kick in for a child destined to be a star! ahehe.  So here I am now, alive and kicking at the age of 23!

Sigh…growing old is really something that I can’t get away from. Well, I have to accept that I already spent 23 years on Earth. I can’t help but think what transpired during my 23 years on this planet. Have I served my purpose? Have I achieved everything that I want? Have I grown up to be a wise and mature man?

I can’t answer all these stupid questions. I’m clueless right now. But I’ll try to provide answers, though…

I don’t even know if I’m living a purpose-driven life (ha?). What’s my purpose, anyway? I’m sorry but I can’t figure it out! I haven’t found my niche until now. I took AB Communication but I don’t intend to become a journalist, broadcaster, or whatsoever. I hated our Broadcast Arts and Performance class because I had to face the  camera. I don’t want my classmates to count my freckles on my face while staring at a huge TV screen. hehe. Not only that. I also had to sound like Gene Orejena, the anchor of “Good Morning Philippines”,  while carefully reading the prompter in front of me. But I enjoyed shooting documentaries, music videos, and plugs somehow. I was the official cameraman of our group before. You can laugh at me when I say that I only wanted to become a cameraman. haha. Perhaps, I should follow that “calling” – become a media practitioner and make big stories from ordinary people.

I just work eight hours a day without even thinking where I’m heading to and what will I be in the next few years. I wanted to become a disc jockey before but I landed in a different job. I can’t boast about any achievement. I’m just a call center quitter and a struggling writer. I even envy my friend who’s now an editor in chief of a local newspaper. But it’s fine. I’m not a good writer like him anyway.hehe. What an excuse! I don’t have career goals, so to say.

And I don’t think I’m matured enough. Everything seems so blurry for me. If maturity is measured by the clothes I wear, then I’m not mature. If it’s about the ability to decide on things and a clear perception of the future, then I’m way too far maturity. It’s because I’m only thinking of my short-term goals. That includes being able to eat three times a day, earning something for myself and my family, and buying something that I want. After this comes a long and broad ________.

Take things as they come. That’s how I live my life…No plans. No expectations.

But I don’t think I should live this way. I need to realize the purpose of my existence. I need to have plans. I need to have long-term goals.

I want to make to a change this time. I should reflect on the thing that matters most. After all, I’m the driver of my own life and I’m the writer of my own history…

The questions are waiting to be answered. It’s up to me to fill in that blank…the blank that would complete every piece of me! ahehe

Explore posts in the same categories: beero's life, life, selling the drama

11 Comments on “Bewildered”

  1. I found your site on google blog search and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. Just added your RSS feed to my feed reader. Look forward to reading more from you.

    – Randy Nichols.

    beero: @Randy Nichols hi there! thank you so much for dropping by and for reading some of my posts. i don’t think you can understand some posts here because some of them were written in my native language. hehe 😆 unless if you’re also a filipino. you can visit my other blog if you want:

    i’ll add you up, by the way. looking forward to hearing from you again. i’m glad to make your acquaintance…

  2. lilmiz Says:

    naks may fan ka ng porenjer ahehe.. heniway, una sa lahat, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! (belated) aheheh.. sensya na inde ako nakapunta sa selebrasyon (kung meron man ahaha).. gets na gets ko yang mga sentiments mo coz i’m also that type na inde nag-iisip long-term.. pag may nagtanong sakin what i want to be 5 yrs from now, wala akong matinong naisasagot kasi nga inde ko alam ano ba purpose ko sa buhay na to ahehe.. normal lang siguro yan, 23 pa naman tayo pero it’s better din talaga to have some ultimate goal to achieve para magstrive ka to reach that goal kahit papano ahehe.. goodluck 😉

  3. beer-O Says:

    beero: @Lilmiz

    haha 😆 ewan ko nga kung bat napadpad yan sa blog ko eh. tenks nga pala sa bertdey greetings kahit late na. hehe. ok lang kahit di ka nakapunta. eh ala naman talagang selebrasyon eh. pareho pala tayo 😆 it doesn’t mean na ala tayong gustong marating. it’s just that ayaw nating mag-expect ng kung anek-anek. tama ka. pag-isipan na natin ang ating ultimate goals dahil tumatanda na tayo. hehe 😆 baka mapag-iwanan tayo ng panahon! let’s keep on moving! Aja!

  4. leylander Says:

    dramarama. lol.

    jok 👿

    beero:@leylander haha 😆 dramathon sa hapon. minsan lang naman akong magdrama. hehe. maki-senti na lang kayo.

  5. leylander Says:

    Teacher: Juan, kung ako ay may limang anak sa unang asawa at lima ulit sa pangalawang asawa. Samakatuwid, meron akong…..????
    Juan: Taglay na kalandian, mam!

    beero: @leylander haha 😆 bat napunta tong joke na to sa page na to? pang text craze to ah. lols!

  6. camilleeee Says:

    hehe. natawa ako sa comment ni leylander. pero mas natawa ako sa sagot ni juan. 😀

    ayoko din mag eexpect & ryt now i’m taking one day at a time. tama na sa kin yung alam ko na kung anu gusto ko at lam ko panu ma fulfill yun. 😉

    beero: @camilleeee hehe :lol:ewan ko kung anong pumasok sa utak nyan at nagpost ng joke. take note, lagi pang napupunta sa spam comments nyan. lols! share mo naman sa kin kung ano mga pangarap mo. baka sakaling makatulong sa kin.hehe

  7. Geisha Says:

    taglay na kalandian! bwahahahahhah

    henewie hindi ko pakay ang pumuna ng comment ng may comment.. andito ako para sa sarili kong komento…


    Yun lang 🙂

    beero: @geisha tama yan. wag kang mag-comment sa comment.bwahaha 😆 wow, ang ganda naman ng QUE SERA SERA na yan. kantahin mo nga. hehe. pang-matanda na ang kantang to ah. fan ka pala ng classic songs.lols!

  8. Jeckass Says:


    parehas lang tayo tol. mabuti pa samahan mo akong mag-aplay. masaya maging giggolo. hehehe. baka magkaroon ng patutunguhan ang buhay natin. lolz

    beero: @jeckass haha 😆 ang sabihin mo, sabay tayong tumambay. hehe. ok talagang maging gigolo. sige, ipagpatuloy natin to. tiyak magkakaron ng silbi ang buhay natin at mapakikinabangan tayo ng bansa. hahaha 😆

  9. Geisha Says:

    oi fave ko kaya ang classic songs…

    …wen i was just a little gay, i asked my mother what will i be?

    ..will i have puke, have my own deedee?

    ..she answered painfully:

    “matulog ka nang bakla ka! makati ka pa sa gabing bikol!”

    beero @geisha: at talagang gumawa ka pa ng sarili mong lyrics. haha 😆 sige gumawa ka ng sarili mong version nyan. ahehe 😎

  10. watusiboy Says:

    naku, naiintindihan ko ang mga ganitong angst. ako rin ang dami kong ganitong dramarama sa hapon. minsan nga gusto ko nang sumali sa game k n b. at tsaka nagdadasal ako na may makilala akong ermitanyong magbibigay sakin ng break sa buhay. may super hero calling kasi ako. hehe. pero seriously, lahat naman yata ay gustong makapaghatid ng pagbabago sa mundo, kaya siguro natin hinahanap ang ating purpose driven life.

  11. beero Says:

    beero @watusiboy: buti naman di lang ako ang may ganitong drama sa buhay. hehe 😆 ako gusto ko namang sumali sa 1 vs 100. hehe. hanep! may superhero calling ka pala. wag kang gumaya kay mang jose (superhero na pwedeng arkilahin). oo naman. lahat tayo eh may purpose sa mundo, gaya lang mga holdaper, snatcher, etc.

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